1.19.2007
Descriptive Paragraph - Something I Dread
I step outside. The wind chill rushes against my heater warmed face and I shiver. My pace quickens as I try to accelerate the drum beat of my heart. Dew drops stay still like a tiger in wait on the tips of the grass. Outside the world and I wait for the new day. Finally I spot the white monstrosity as it speeds down the hill and comes to a screeching halt right in front of my feet sending small gravel flying through the air. As I thrust open the hatch and begin my journey. Six sets of wondering eyes bore down on me as I enter the impatient, awaiting monster. The hatch closes behind me and I know there is no turning back for another 30 minutes, I am trapped. As I settle in and await what comes next I notice that the universal voice, the one that cannot be ignored is the one of a man named Jeff and another of Jer. Immediatly my heart drops through the floor as I watch home sweet home disapear in overpoweringly stupid commentary on American Idol...
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6 comments:
Hello Chris,
I like your post about the radio. You probly dont care what I think, but I hate the radio as well. It plays the same songs over and over agian and spends more times comenting on bands that I dont care about than playing the songs that I so hate. I just thought that I would try being nice to you,so I am leaving this comment. I think that you have a lot of good langauge in this. I like the way you describe the morning and the new day.
Nice job, not that you care.
Kit
Tch. You San Diegans and your primitive technology, your love of television and your *shudder* energy drinks. Bleh. BLEH, SAYS I!
You just need satellite radio, is all. That stuff just NEVER gets boring.
Hi Chris.
To be honest, I don't really care about yoyr descriptive writing paragraph. I am sure it's generally terrible. Kidding, I'm just kidding (or am I...yes. I am.)
I've come to talk about the comment you left me about Clarisse and the Dandelion she was eating or smoking.
Society is generally set with the thinkings of the majority, and the majority pushes out standards for people to live up to. Society says that the dandelion thing was a childsih thing. So it's really impossible to define your own maturity with childsih games, unless the whole world agreed that it was a mature thing to do. I'm not saying that'free thinkers' are immature, but it is impossible to set what is 'mature' and what is not because they are the minority.
Besides, when has rubbing a dandelion a way to tell if you love someone? Clearly make believe (therefor immature) but I will grant you pretty original.
'Magic dandelion, if I get your infections seeds all over my face so I break out in hives, wil you tell me who I love?'
(Laura)
****MR. JANA, THIS IS MY COMMENT ON CHRIS CONNELL'S DESCRIPTIVE WRITING. FOR THE HOMEWORK DUE TUESDAY****
Ok, so this is the paragraph where I do care about your descriptve writing. So here we go. Well we're not really going but what ever.
I liked this sentence a lot "As I thrust open the hatch and begin my journey. Six sets of wondering eyes bore down on me as I enter the impatient, awaiting monster..." I could feel your small guilt. Well you proabbly wouldn't feel guilty, but I kind of would.
You seem to have the feeling of impatience, small bits of anger, and irratation. I picked this up the way you describe Jeff and Jer and being "trapped". (I hate them to, I plan to hunt them down with my cross bow. Is that one word or two? crossbow or cross bow. I think it's cross bow. It's a funny word huh? Cross. Cross, cross, cross. You never here anyone say 'I'm cross' anymore, like when they're angry. Well, what ever.)
I loved how you described the automobile 'white monstrosity' sounds like something I'd call Brady. It really made this vehicle seem big and evil, like a hell bent sumo wrestler.
This was great figlang. "Dew drops stay still like a tiger in wait on the tips of the grass..." That's one metaphor I hadn't heard before. But now in my head I imagine the dew with teeth and springing out to attack me. Next time, use a more subtle example. Because tigers rimind me of killing. You don't want to kill things, do you Chris?
Still, good job. You get Laura points! But they suck because they don't do anything except haunt your dreams and eat all of your precious brain space.
(Laura de van la von Mitchell of Essex)
P.S. the comment that was deleted jsut had a bunch of words in it like 'csros bow' and 'percious'. i have typing dyslexia, please help me.
Thanks for sharing this Chris. It is an effective example of descriptive writing due to the use of verbs like "quickens." It conveys vivid imagry, such as "sending small gravel through the air." I could picture it in my mind and for some reason found it a bit amusing and sad - I felt sorry for you. Maybe it's because I feel the same about the radio !
Mr. J
The three words that i thought were really strong were Monstrosity, screeching and frenzy. Monstrosity makes me think of of something really scary therefore it really fits in your sentece when you are talking about the monster.
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